Anxious Apartment Anxiety

It has been far too long since I sat down to blog, so I figured I would update you on the search for an apartment for Michael and myself.

After asking some preliminary questions I am awaiting a reponse from the complex that Michael and I are going to try for. After we get some answers we will be applying- and man am I terrified! I don't want to get rejected- I want to move out SO badly! I love my family and my space but I need a home that's mine. It's time. Plus I am constantly envisioning what it will be like to live with the love of my life.

I have several DIY projects that I am anxious to start NOW but I have to remind myself to take my time- if I do all the projects before I move in I'll have less money when we get there, and less to do! A short list of these projects are, a continuation of my already mid-way vintage bathroom project (as some may remember from earlier posts,) a scrabble tile table top for an end table, and an entertainment center tv stand thing that Michael got ahold of. I am going to convert the top to be like a bay window seat almost and eventually get some cusions on top to sit on- plus he and I are going to sand it and refinish it. Of course I am also thinking of all kinds of other projects- One of which is to tackle a chair I use at a desk- I plan on re-upholstering the seat and sanding down and repainting the rest.

I am just so stoked to get started on our home!

I am over the moon blissfully happy, and I know Michael feels the same. Now as long as the application process goes well, we will be on our way to our life together!

Love: Is There An End?

Does a person ever really fall out of love? Or does that love get buried within your heart quietly in the background?
People say that once you love someone you never really stop, that a part of you always will love them. But is that the truth? Is it possible to fall out of love?
On the other hand, maybe when you're able to stop loving someone you never really loved them to begin with- you just thought you did.
These are some things on my mind today.
I am in the camp that hopes it is possible to fall out of love. And I don't just mean begin loving them a different way- I mean stop loving all together.

With love, or something like it.

Word(s) of the Day

Word of the Day:

Petrichor: How the air smells after it rains. This only occurs after rain hits the ground that has been dry for some time. And when you smell it right before it rains? That is because you are smelling the air being carried downwind from where it has already started.

Finally. A name for the scent I love so much!


Also, my favorite Sesame Street character Snuffleupagus (who to my knowledge is NO LONG ON THE SHOW :( ,) has a first name. That first name is Aloysius.



With love!

Sometimes You Just Have to Make Things Happen

Sometimes in life you just have to make things happen for yourself. Sitting back waiting for life to give you things doesn't always work. In fact, I would venture to say it rarely works!

I am being as proactive as I can with my professional life. I got a leg up with the interviews I am doing, but after the first one it was all on me! And now I am having my 3rd interview today. They called me only hours after my panel interview (stage 2) to set this up! That has to be a good sign! After today, if it goes well, there is one more interview I have to do. I hope I get this. I am really trying!

Also, I made my Etsy page. I've only sold a couple of things so far, but my views go up every week, so I keep it positive and know it's only a matter of time before someone else wants something I have created.

Then just today, I submitted my work to an art showcase coming up in Portland. I answered an ad on craigslist about it a few weeks ago, and I got an email back encouraging me to officially submit because she "really digs my photography!" I hope I get picked because this would be my first showcase :)

I am really trying to kick things in to gear for myself. And not just for myself. I have more motivation now. My boyfriend and I want to start our life together and I know that if I can make things happen professionally it just brings us one step closer. He and I want so badly to live together- we have plans for our future and moving in the first step. ;) So now I am not just working for myself- I am working for us. For our relationship. And I work at it every day to make sure it's all that it needs to be. But what's great, is that it doesn't require much effort at all!

Anyway, the message I am sending here is this: Even though things are slow going right now, and it's easy to get discouraged, I just continue to pick myself up and keep pushing. I have the motivation, and the passion. And I know that if I keep on this path, the universe will provide. Things happen for people who try for it. Who deserve it. And man, do I ever.

With love.

Quote of the Early Morning

"It is impossible to live without failing, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all- in which case, you fail by default." (Dont know who to credit- sorry!)

Want.

Anxious for it all to happen. I want it now. Not later. Not someday. But right now.

Things That Make You Go "Hmmmm"

Questions of the day for you to ponder.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Also, why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

With love!

Fitness is a Fit-Mess

So, as you should know by now, my Hawaii vacation is quickly approaching. I recently have been going through some woe-is-me moments as life as been throwing some curve-balls my way. Long story short, I have been comfort eating like crazy. That, combined with my reasonably sedentary lifestyle has meant my putting on a little weight. Now wait, I understand- I am not fat. I have no illusions of my body weight. But, 10 pounds on a small package shows. It made my clothes uncomfortable, and my self esteem took a serious hit.

I have decided to begin working out.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have said I was going to do this about eleventy-billion times over. But this time, I mean it.

Sure sure sure, "if you want to lose weight for Hawaii you should have started months ago." But here's the thing- I am kicking my own butt! I haven't had midnight snacks in a couple of days, and only 2 meals a day (plus a small meal around lunchtime,) and a couple bottles of water daily. (Which is a huge improvement over my couple bottles a month.) Plus, I am working out every day with a couple of DVDs I bought.

Also just to note- I figure that even if I don't lose any weight or tone anything up, I will feel better about myself by the time I am there, and I will be in better shape for all the swimming and hiking and surfing I'll be doing! :)

This is day 2.

Yesterday, day 1 was a bit of a disappointment. The DVD I bought is amazing. So amazing that I can't get through it. It's circuit training by Jillian Michaels. And whoa, I knew I was out of shape- but this video made me realize HOW out of shape I am. Let's just say my body was shaking and I physically could not continue the video.

So today, day 2: Leslie Sansone's 3 Fast Miles. Also amazing. But I decided not to kill myself. I participated for one mile. It made me feel really good! My sore muscles from yesterday loosened up and I got some much needed oxygen.

I intend on alternating DVD's every day. Tomorrow will be back to the first DVD (wish me luck!) and then the next day I am going to walk 2 miles. By the weekend I hope to do all 3!

The final odd day of the "week" will be a yoga/pilates DVD to stretch my muscles after my difficult week of torturing myself!

Okay, I am going to go eat a healthy meal (small baked potato with minimal amounts of spread, and grilled chicken breast :) )

With love!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things.

Some of my favorite things.

Selling something off my Etsy page- it's really exciting to know someone will own and love my work.
Listening to my boyfriend play guitar.
Seeing flowers coming out early- they want spring as much as I do.
Girl scout cookies.
Socks- pretty soon I am going to need to re-up on some socks.
Spring cleaning- out with the old! Rid myself of clutter!
Antique stores.

My Very Own Etsy Page!

It's official! I have opened up an Etsy seller's page! Go check it out! Tell your friends! Plus I have a MULTITUDE of other photos that are ready to sell too, so if you want some more variety or have a question about if I have something more specific (certain color flowers, black and white vs color, varying contrast) let me know! I can customize and then post for you to purchase! Also, quantities listed say only one- but if it sells, another will be put up in it's place!
Thanks for your interest!
Please go look!
I'm quite proud :)
With love!

PS- I am being featured in THREE different hand selected collections, too! :)
Bits of Blue, I Am a Traveling Man & Brighten Your Day


Heck yes! Feel free to praise me for a job well done :)

Song of Today

Almost 6 months later and I almost always have a "song of the day" from my loverly boyfriend. Sometimes I take the reins and pick a song myself, but mostly it has been him. I wish now that I had written them down along the way because that would make a really cool set of CDs after the first year to walk down memory lane to. But, I didn't do that, so I can't cry over spilled milk. Meanwhile, the entire reason I am writing this down is because I received a particularly wonderful one today, and I wanted to share it with everyone.


"Change The World" by Finger Eleven

I just want the best for you girl
But I don't think I really know
what that means
I know you bring the best out of me
and I know you're sick
of abstract things
But time has been kind
in a weird kind of way
Cause I've been waiting for this feeling to leave
If I can hold onto this feeling this long
Maybe I can get you to hold me

Don't you believe, girl
You'll change the world
At least you changed the world for me

I won't be sorry if you leave me girl
Cause I'm the world's biggest fan of clich©s
I'll set you free then I'll love like I'm not
Hurting in the world's worst ways

But I don't know if I can make it alone
And I don't have much more left to lose
I can't say for sure just where I'll end up
I just want to end up there with you

When the darkness never ends
And my world's crashing in
And it starts to turn again
Will you believe?

When I won't get over you
And my world splits in two
When I just can't make it through
Will you believe?




Hope you enjoyed!
With love.

Found this- I totally agree, Women's movement.

Because a woman’s work is never done.
and is underpaid, or unpaid, or boring, or repetitious,
and we’re the first to get fired,
and what we look like is more important than what we do.
And if we get raped its our fault
and if we get beaten we must have provoked it
and if we raise our voices we’re nagging bitches
and if we enjoy sex we’re nymphos
and if we don’t we’re frigid
and if we love women it’s because we can’t get a real man
and if we ask our doctor too many questions we’re neurotic or pushy
and if we expect childcare we’re selfish
and if we stand up for our rights we’re aggressive and un-feminine
and if we don’t we’re typical weak females
and if we want to get married we’re out to trap a man
and if we don’t we’re unnatural
and because we still can’t get an adequate, safe contraceptive, but men can walk on the moon
and if we can’t cope or don’t want a pregnancy we’re made to feel guilty about abortion
and for lots and lots of other reasons
we are part of the women’s liberation movement.

- Joyce Stevens, International Woman’s Day, 1975.

Date a Girl Who Reads.

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

— Rosemary Urquico (via kblitz)

Quote of the day

“Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.”

— Stephen Colbert, via Dave

Daily Finds

Have any of you ever looked at dailyfinds ? It's a site where when people find something they find interesting (a love note, a funny grocery list, etc.... real written items) they get scanned in and added. These are real things written by real people. Sometimes they're funny, sometimes sad. Either way there are the occasional "finds" that make you realize that you're not alone out there.
Check it out. You'll like it. Plus, now you'll have another website to go look at when you have a spare 5 minutes. :)

With love.

Tool Box Transformation

I've started planning for Michael and my new bathroom when we move out. I've decided to go vintage. I am using mason jars for soap and lotion dispensers, a small antique silver tray to set things on, some other small antique jars for bath salts, q-tips, and toothbrushes. I wanted to find something unique to put some spare toilet paper in, or to hold tissues and a spare hand towel.
That's when.....
I found this really cool antique toolbox, but it was a really horrible orange. These are the before pictures:




I also had some antique sheet music that I've been holding on to for a project. Finally have a reason for it!


It just took a few simple tools:
A ruler, a foam brush, mod podge (or another product that will both glue and seal), an exacto knife (my best friend in projects!), a cutting surface, and black chalkboard paint (not shown.)




I set paper into the inside and mapped out how I wanted it to lay, cutting pieces to fit as I went. I then cleaned the whole box inside and out with a damp rag (to clear off dirt and some of the rust.)

I chose not to use primer on the toolbox because the orange paint made the surface perfect for painting on its own.

I used the mod podge on the sheet music and once I was finished gluing everything down, I went over it again with the mod podge to seal the whole inside to protect it more from moisture.

While the glue was drying I began painting the outside. It took about 3 full coats and a few touch-ups at the end, but it is ready to go now! I left the inside of the lid and the bottom of the toolbox alone because I wanted to keep a little integrity of the original box intact.

What was really cool is what happened when the glue started the settle with the paper- the left over rust actually showed through a little- which was perfect! It made it look even older and like the paper on the inside belonged in there all along!

Now I when I figure out what I'm going to put inside of it, I'll be able to write on it in chalk! It might say "toilet paper," or "tissues," or maybe something cutesy. We'll see! I might just draw some filigree on it. Exciting!


Pics of the soap and lotion dispensers to come soon, those are done too!

Quote!

Quote for the day:

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
-Douglas Adams

Soon to be

2 things- one, soon you will all be able to take witness in my attempt at an Ikea hack- making a Lack end table be covered in scrabble tiles :)

And two, there is a good chance that my life is going to take a very different turn than I had anticipated. The idea of getting to be with the person I love and have the opportunity to travel and experience a life all our own..... let's just say I am more excited at the possibilities the future holds than I would have believed I'd be.

One of my favorite websites

If you're not a follow of lifehacker, you should be. All kinds of great information and helpful tips. This one in particular is really great, considering that so many cameras now track your location and imbed photos with that information. Check this out. Then treat yourself to just surfing around on the site!

Pin-Up Shoot! Interested?

Know anyone who would want to participate in a pin-up model shoot? Someone looking to build up their portfolio or who would just like to have fun?

Get in touch with me within the next month. I am planning a shoot that will take place outdoors (mostly) and have the pin-up feel. Train station, classic car junk yard, cool lounge, woodsy area, etc! I can supply several props as well as transportation from location to location. (For a list of props please see contact info below and send me a request for it!) Depending on your size I may have in my possession a couple pieces of clothing, but mostly that would need to be supplied by the model(s). Hair and makeup would be best done by a friend or the model herself, but I can offer some pointers and some help in that area as well. Model will be supplied with medium-resolution edited images on CD for free, with my professional watermark in the corner. Purchasing of prints or high-resolution images/copy release can be negotiated for a fair price.

Contact Carrie at: carrieco1487@yahoo.com, or refer them to my blog and comment with their contact information.
Serious inquiries only please.

Lemons, and my failed attempt lately at making lemonaide.

Life over the last few days has been really throwing me some lemons. Sometimes I really begin to wonder if it's worth it. This isn't for pity or for reassurance in any way- it's just me expressing myself.

I have been making so many lateral moves that I am not working towards anything real. I have no real attainable goals, which drives me up the wall- I am very much a goal person. I am not moving forward in my life or "career..." if you can ever call it that. I have found my nightmares becoming ever-increasing, only stopping when I am sleeping next to the one I love. Plus my anxiety is through the roof. Do I have a reason to exist? Do I have anything to wake up for?
I am just trying to take things one day at a time. But I do know that if I don't give myself some sort of structure I will continue down a very self-destructive path.

Things I need to do:
Get on my yoga mat EVERY day (I have been getting better- a couple of times a week- but I really need it daily.)
Stop breaking down and having a cigarette "here and there." I need to be finished.
Continue to find a way to go back to school.
Find time to read every day.

You would think these would all be really easy to accomplish- but sadly I have found it harder and harder to bring myself to do anything when I am alone.

On a different but related topic, please pray for my dog and my dad. They both need positive thinking, and so do I.

With love, as always.

Encased In Your Glory.

If I could inflict upon you the purity of my intentions
at once you would fully comprehend
that love is a dying breed
yet it is not extinct within my veins.

It is torturous to know the pain
you once had to endure to survive.
However if i could place the beat of my heart
into your restless mind I know it would calm.

If there were such a way to open my heart up
and let you drink from all that I am,
the passion I hold for you, my sweet
could sustain you for an eternity.

We lay here side by side
in these silly human costumes
constrained by flesh and bone;
unable to freely experience true bliss.

But I swear my most powerful swear
that I will make this up to you
by being the most perfect imperfect being
this sad lonesome world will allow me to be for you.

The ducts in my skull
flow freely with tears of pure joy
while my skin is teeming with electricity.
For with you I feel no pain.

The wretched and the weak
have made impressions on us both
but I promise you, love of loves,
I will never infect you with sorrow.

Never have I found myself wanting
to surrender life's material pleasures until now
My sweet, I will forever be encased in your glory
breathing in the simplicity that is our peaceful united existence.

Like photography? Like the retro look? Need a project? Look no further!

I have always loved the look of the old pictures from a TLR camera (twin lens reflex) but for obvious reasons, shooting with one is no longer convenient. So, when I found a book that explained how to make a "contraption" out of cardboard to make it possible to shoot with a digital point and shoot or a DSLR INTO a TLR I got really excited- I definitely bought the book. Since I can't scan and copy the instructions from the book to here, I will show how I did it myself. It only takes a few supplies, and I think the total work time was about 45 minutes- this included the time it took for me to play with it for a few minutes to make sure it worked.

Here are some pictures with an example of what it is producing- later on I will find things to more specifically shoot and probably do a series of them.










Okay! So, let's get started!
Supplies you'll need:

**Cardboard (I chose to use non-corrugated cardboard because it was easier to work with... I used the board-game box to a Oiuja board I realized I didn't need the box for- it was very easy to work with and is fairly sturdy too!)
**Scissors
**Craft knife (I used an exacto)
**Packaging tape (I suppose masking tape would work too, but packing tape will hold up better)
**Electrical tape (Gaffers tape or duct tape would work well too- this is to make it light-tight ish)
**A ruler
**Cutting surface (I scrapbook so I used a rotary mat)
**a TLR camera- which can be found at antique stores like crazy for pretty cheap- I think I bought mine for $12. The more dirty the screen is the better! If it is super clean and in perfect condition then you may as well take regular pictures and crop them into squares.
**A DSLR (digital SLR) or a point and shoot camera. (I used a DSLR so my picture instructions will be with my Nikon, but the instructions will work across the board for either type)
**A pen/sharpie




Onward!

1. Make sure you have all needed supplies.

2. Measure the distance you need between the lens of your digital camera and the TLR. Do this by placing the TLR upright so that you can see clearly through the screen/viewfinder. Lean over the TLR with your digital camera until you are basically filling your viewfinder with the screen. Measure the distance with your ruler from your camera body to the screen. This will be the base measurement (plus the length on the TLR from the viewfinder to the lenses.) This total measurement will be the length of your contraption.
(A 50mm lens with a wide aperture would work best- but since I don't have that yet, I just used my kit lens and zoomed it all the way in, while making sure it would still clearly focus on the TLR screen.)



3. Measure the front, back, and sides of your TLR camera

These measurements will be the width of the 4 sides to the Contraption.

4. Sketch out on the cardboard using your new found measurements to make the outlines of the contraption. (This picture accidentally did not get rotated- so it's sideways... sorry) The flap at the top of the far right side is for the hole for your digital camera's lens to go through. The height of this flap should be the same size as the width of the "sides."

TIP:You want the cardboard contraption to be snug around the TLR but you'll be better off making it a little loose and adjusting it from there. Better safe than sorry because it is always easy to take it in more- but if you make it way too tight you'll have to start from scratch!






5. After cutting out the outline of the whole contraption (NOT ON ALL THE LINES- only the outer edges): Score your cardboard along the lines you have sketched out. with your craft knife (Scoring means to lightly cut the cardboard without going all the way through. This makes it easier to fold a straight line, and you will be re-enforcing the folds with the packaging and electrical tapes anyway.)

Fold all lines and re-enforce with tapes when you are done scoring.

6. Measure the size of the hole you'll need for the lenses on the TLR. Cut it out.

This is what my whole looked like for my TLR lenses after they were covered in tape.

If you can't tell- I was tape-happy throughout this project.

7. Measure the hole you will need for the digital lens, and cut out using your craft knife. Re-enforce hole with tapes.

8. Close up box and make sure all edges are properly re-enforced and sealed.

9. Insert TLR and digital camera into the Contraption, and have fun shooting! You can play with the exposure and shutter speed all you want to give different effects! Plus it's fun to play with color and brightness in Photoshop afterward! Have fun! If you have any questions or need clarification on anything, please feel free to ask!



PS- I did not coin the term "The Contraption" nor did I design it. If you want to see it for yourself in the book I found it in, along with many other fun DIY Photography projects, it can be found online or in major bookstores (I got mine in Barns and Noble.)
Camera Creative by Chris Gatcum- Amp Photo Books.

DIY project

So the first DIY project I think I am going to attempt will be either fabric covered frames to match the decor that will be in the apartment, or a slide lamp. (Lamp shade made from photographic slides.) I have some cool slides from a classic car junk-yard and I think I may have some that were taken by my dad a looonnnngggg time ago. I think these would be really cool to use, but I first have to find out if I can copy them somehow into a new set of slides so that I can still print from them. Although I COULD see if someplace like Walgreen's can make a cd from them...
Here's a pic to show an example of what I am going to attempt.


I got the idea from www.readymade.com, which has a ton of projects I want to try. I am going to try and put a different spin on it thought, but I haven't quite decided what that should be yet. As soon as I get started I'll keep you guys posted!



ALSO: Any suggestions on what the theme should be if I choose to not use my car slides, let me know! I am considering the following: Car junk yard, my lawn gnome in various places, motel signs, pics of my antique cameras/equipment, stuff from my Hawaii vacation in April (I could always make 2 so that I can do this one PLUS another one,) or obscure architecture pictures that are a little abstract. If you have a vote, let me know, or if you have another idea, fill me in!

Adore

A few of you wanted to know what all the fuss was about before about NOT being able to hold something in anymore...
And it is now out the open! I am in love with my boyfriend. Head over heels, no turning back. And luckily enough, he loves me too ;)
There. Now you're all in the loop in that respect. :)
With love.

Today

Today's quote:

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today."
-Will Rogers

The beginning of the rest of my life is on the edge of starting. Be happy for me, wish me luck, and most certainly, stay tuned for updates.

With love

>:[

Something has to change. I did not sign on for this.

A Gentleman's Guide to the 21st Century

I cant take credit for this, but I felt it should be passed on.
http://makeitmad.com/2010/07/07/a-gentlemans-guide-to-the-21st-century/

In a world full of hipsters, gangster rap, and baggy pants, the gentleman is becoming obsolete. They are a dying breed, wiped out by iPhones and iChats; popped collars and one night stands; sex through texting, breaking up over e-mail, and women that can change their own oil and stand up for themselves in a bar fight. But this doesn’t mean chivalry is dead. It’s simply evolving. As a man, I believe we’ve lost sight of how to behave in public. Nobody likes a drunken, college Frat boy. I promise. Nuclear fallout or feminist reign is no excuse to quit acting like a gentleman. It’s time to man up.

Below is a guide to surviving the 21^st Century while still remaining a gentleman.

You can and should still hold the door for a lady. Even if she’s a malicious feminist plotting the fall of mankind. Ladies, we open the door for you because we know you’re in charge. People in charge don’t open their own doors. You enter. We follow.

Stand when a woman comes to the table. Keep that napkin on your lap. Let the woman order first, and for the love of God, never, ever order for her.

Keep your Blackberry, your Blueberry, or your Chuck Berry in your pocket while in good company. There is a time and a place for your iPad, iPhone, and iPod. At the dinner table with family, coffee with friends, a tandem skydive jump or bike ride, or on a date is not that place. Show some respect. Make eye contact. The world won’t stop spinning because you haven’t updated your Facebook status for an hour.

Be early. Fashionably late is out of fashion.

If someone else is talking, shut up and listen. It’s that simple. Got it? Good.

It may be common practice these days to swear like a sailor on a ship full of swashbuckling pirates, but a gentleman chooses his words carefully. Your tongue is a rudder. It steers the whole ship. Tacking on a curse to the end of every sentence does not make you sound like an individual—it makes you sound like an uneducated moron. Your vocabulary is unimpressive, dick.

No matter what, do not go into a woman’s purse—even if she asks you to retrieve some mysterious artifact from it. This is a trap. You don’t want a woman digging through your closet or all those private folders hidden on your desktop. Sometimes it’s best if you let some things in life remain a mystery.

You are not Tyler Durden. Walk away from altercations. No one will be impressed with you punching another man in the teeth because he’s eyeballin’ your woman, yo.

A pair of dark, slim-fitting, true denim jeans are good for a relaxing day off, as well as a night out at a fancy restaurant or club.

You are never over-dressed when wearing a suit.

Read. A gentleman educates himself. Your iPad and iPhone can now download books for little or no cost. There’s no excuse not to be reading Kerouac’s On The Road or Catcher in the Rye by Salinger. Not heterosexual enough for you? Then go for grittier work like Charlie Huston’s Caught Stealing. This book reads with the intensity of a Bruce Willis movie jacked up on Methamphetamine. It’s dirty, mean, violent, and funny. And best of all, short.

A quick text message or a sloppy email sent on your lunch break does not constitute a Thank You Note. Want to show genuine respect and gratitude? A hand-written, analogue letter will always hold up in a digital world.

When asking a woman out on a date, a gentleman does this in person or over the phone. He does not poke her on Facebook or shoot her a text. Poor form, my friend. Be confident.

This goes for breaking up, too. You do not send an email telling her it’s been real and thanks for the memories. Do not send your brother by to pick up your things or send a text. This is to be done in person without using phrases like, “It’s not you, it’s me,” or “I no longer find you attractive and want to start dating your roommate.”

I sometimes think I’m George Clooney or Fred Astaire. Dark and mysterious, suave and sophisticated. Sweeping women off their feet with a wink and a smile, throwing my coat over puddles, and helping old ladies cross the street. In truth, I’m awkward and clumsy; I talk too fast and stumble over words. I run into doors, and I’m all left feet and elbows on the dance floor. But I’m always myself, no matter what, because I’m confident in the man that I am. As a true gentleman should be.

Getting antsy

I don't know how much longer I can go without saying it.