Lemons, and my failed attempt lately at making lemonaide.

Life over the last few days has been really throwing me some lemons. Sometimes I really begin to wonder if it's worth it. This isn't for pity or for reassurance in any way- it's just me expressing myself.

I have been making so many lateral moves that I am not working towards anything real. I have no real attainable goals, which drives me up the wall- I am very much a goal person. I am not moving forward in my life or "career..." if you can ever call it that. I have found my nightmares becoming ever-increasing, only stopping when I am sleeping next to the one I love. Plus my anxiety is through the roof. Do I have a reason to exist? Do I have anything to wake up for?
I am just trying to take things one day at a time. But I do know that if I don't give myself some sort of structure I will continue down a very self-destructive path.

Things I need to do:
Get on my yoga mat EVERY day (I have been getting better- a couple of times a week- but I really need it daily.)
Stop breaking down and having a cigarette "here and there." I need to be finished.
Continue to find a way to go back to school.
Find time to read every day.

You would think these would all be really easy to accomplish- but sadly I have found it harder and harder to bring myself to do anything when I am alone.

On a different but related topic, please pray for my dog and my dad. They both need positive thinking, and so do I.

With love, as always.

Encased In Your Glory.

If I could inflict upon you the purity of my intentions
at once you would fully comprehend
that love is a dying breed
yet it is not extinct within my veins.

It is torturous to know the pain
you once had to endure to survive.
However if i could place the beat of my heart
into your restless mind I know it would calm.

If there were such a way to open my heart up
and let you drink from all that I am,
the passion I hold for you, my sweet
could sustain you for an eternity.

We lay here side by side
in these silly human costumes
constrained by flesh and bone;
unable to freely experience true bliss.

But I swear my most powerful swear
that I will make this up to you
by being the most perfect imperfect being
this sad lonesome world will allow me to be for you.

The ducts in my skull
flow freely with tears of pure joy
while my skin is teeming with electricity.
For with you I feel no pain.

The wretched and the weak
have made impressions on us both
but I promise you, love of loves,
I will never infect you with sorrow.

Never have I found myself wanting
to surrender life's material pleasures until now
My sweet, I will forever be encased in your glory
breathing in the simplicity that is our peaceful united existence.

Like photography? Like the retro look? Need a project? Look no further!

I have always loved the look of the old pictures from a TLR camera (twin lens reflex) but for obvious reasons, shooting with one is no longer convenient. So, when I found a book that explained how to make a "contraption" out of cardboard to make it possible to shoot with a digital point and shoot or a DSLR INTO a TLR I got really excited- I definitely bought the book. Since I can't scan and copy the instructions from the book to here, I will show how I did it myself. It only takes a few supplies, and I think the total work time was about 45 minutes- this included the time it took for me to play with it for a few minutes to make sure it worked.

Here are some pictures with an example of what it is producing- later on I will find things to more specifically shoot and probably do a series of them.










Okay! So, let's get started!
Supplies you'll need:

**Cardboard (I chose to use non-corrugated cardboard because it was easier to work with... I used the board-game box to a Oiuja board I realized I didn't need the box for- it was very easy to work with and is fairly sturdy too!)
**Scissors
**Craft knife (I used an exacto)
**Packaging tape (I suppose masking tape would work too, but packing tape will hold up better)
**Electrical tape (Gaffers tape or duct tape would work well too- this is to make it light-tight ish)
**A ruler
**Cutting surface (I scrapbook so I used a rotary mat)
**a TLR camera- which can be found at antique stores like crazy for pretty cheap- I think I bought mine for $12. The more dirty the screen is the better! If it is super clean and in perfect condition then you may as well take regular pictures and crop them into squares.
**A DSLR (digital SLR) or a point and shoot camera. (I used a DSLR so my picture instructions will be with my Nikon, but the instructions will work across the board for either type)
**A pen/sharpie




Onward!

1. Make sure you have all needed supplies.

2. Measure the distance you need between the lens of your digital camera and the TLR. Do this by placing the TLR upright so that you can see clearly through the screen/viewfinder. Lean over the TLR with your digital camera until you are basically filling your viewfinder with the screen. Measure the distance with your ruler from your camera body to the screen. This will be the base measurement (plus the length on the TLR from the viewfinder to the lenses.) This total measurement will be the length of your contraption.
(A 50mm lens with a wide aperture would work best- but since I don't have that yet, I just used my kit lens and zoomed it all the way in, while making sure it would still clearly focus on the TLR screen.)



3. Measure the front, back, and sides of your TLR camera

These measurements will be the width of the 4 sides to the Contraption.

4. Sketch out on the cardboard using your new found measurements to make the outlines of the contraption. (This picture accidentally did not get rotated- so it's sideways... sorry) The flap at the top of the far right side is for the hole for your digital camera's lens to go through. The height of this flap should be the same size as the width of the "sides."

TIP:You want the cardboard contraption to be snug around the TLR but you'll be better off making it a little loose and adjusting it from there. Better safe than sorry because it is always easy to take it in more- but if you make it way too tight you'll have to start from scratch!






5. After cutting out the outline of the whole contraption (NOT ON ALL THE LINES- only the outer edges): Score your cardboard along the lines you have sketched out. with your craft knife (Scoring means to lightly cut the cardboard without going all the way through. This makes it easier to fold a straight line, and you will be re-enforcing the folds with the packaging and electrical tapes anyway.)

Fold all lines and re-enforce with tapes when you are done scoring.

6. Measure the size of the hole you'll need for the lenses on the TLR. Cut it out.

This is what my whole looked like for my TLR lenses after they were covered in tape.

If you can't tell- I was tape-happy throughout this project.

7. Measure the hole you will need for the digital lens, and cut out using your craft knife. Re-enforce hole with tapes.

8. Close up box and make sure all edges are properly re-enforced and sealed.

9. Insert TLR and digital camera into the Contraption, and have fun shooting! You can play with the exposure and shutter speed all you want to give different effects! Plus it's fun to play with color and brightness in Photoshop afterward! Have fun! If you have any questions or need clarification on anything, please feel free to ask!



PS- I did not coin the term "The Contraption" nor did I design it. If you want to see it for yourself in the book I found it in, along with many other fun DIY Photography projects, it can be found online or in major bookstores (I got mine in Barns and Noble.)
Camera Creative by Chris Gatcum- Amp Photo Books.

DIY project

So the first DIY project I think I am going to attempt will be either fabric covered frames to match the decor that will be in the apartment, or a slide lamp. (Lamp shade made from photographic slides.) I have some cool slides from a classic car junk-yard and I think I may have some that were taken by my dad a looonnnngggg time ago. I think these would be really cool to use, but I first have to find out if I can copy them somehow into a new set of slides so that I can still print from them. Although I COULD see if someplace like Walgreen's can make a cd from them...
Here's a pic to show an example of what I am going to attempt.


I got the idea from www.readymade.com, which has a ton of projects I want to try. I am going to try and put a different spin on it thought, but I haven't quite decided what that should be yet. As soon as I get started I'll keep you guys posted!



ALSO: Any suggestions on what the theme should be if I choose to not use my car slides, let me know! I am considering the following: Car junk yard, my lawn gnome in various places, motel signs, pics of my antique cameras/equipment, stuff from my Hawaii vacation in April (I could always make 2 so that I can do this one PLUS another one,) or obscure architecture pictures that are a little abstract. If you have a vote, let me know, or if you have another idea, fill me in!

Adore

A few of you wanted to know what all the fuss was about before about NOT being able to hold something in anymore...
And it is now out the open! I am in love with my boyfriend. Head over heels, no turning back. And luckily enough, he loves me too ;)
There. Now you're all in the loop in that respect. :)
With love.

Today

Today's quote:

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today."
-Will Rogers

The beginning of the rest of my life is on the edge of starting. Be happy for me, wish me luck, and most certainly, stay tuned for updates.

With love

>:[

Something has to change. I did not sign on for this.

A Gentleman's Guide to the 21st Century

I cant take credit for this, but I felt it should be passed on.
http://makeitmad.com/2010/07/07/a-gentlemans-guide-to-the-21st-century/

In a world full of hipsters, gangster rap, and baggy pants, the gentleman is becoming obsolete. They are a dying breed, wiped out by iPhones and iChats; popped collars and one night stands; sex through texting, breaking up over e-mail, and women that can change their own oil and stand up for themselves in a bar fight. But this doesn’t mean chivalry is dead. It’s simply evolving. As a man, I believe we’ve lost sight of how to behave in public. Nobody likes a drunken, college Frat boy. I promise. Nuclear fallout or feminist reign is no excuse to quit acting like a gentleman. It’s time to man up.

Below is a guide to surviving the 21^st Century while still remaining a gentleman.

You can and should still hold the door for a lady. Even if she’s a malicious feminist plotting the fall of mankind. Ladies, we open the door for you because we know you’re in charge. People in charge don’t open their own doors. You enter. We follow.

Stand when a woman comes to the table. Keep that napkin on your lap. Let the woman order first, and for the love of God, never, ever order for her.

Keep your Blackberry, your Blueberry, or your Chuck Berry in your pocket while in good company. There is a time and a place for your iPad, iPhone, and iPod. At the dinner table with family, coffee with friends, a tandem skydive jump or bike ride, or on a date is not that place. Show some respect. Make eye contact. The world won’t stop spinning because you haven’t updated your Facebook status for an hour.

Be early. Fashionably late is out of fashion.

If someone else is talking, shut up and listen. It’s that simple. Got it? Good.

It may be common practice these days to swear like a sailor on a ship full of swashbuckling pirates, but a gentleman chooses his words carefully. Your tongue is a rudder. It steers the whole ship. Tacking on a curse to the end of every sentence does not make you sound like an individual—it makes you sound like an uneducated moron. Your vocabulary is unimpressive, dick.

No matter what, do not go into a woman’s purse—even if she asks you to retrieve some mysterious artifact from it. This is a trap. You don’t want a woman digging through your closet or all those private folders hidden on your desktop. Sometimes it’s best if you let some things in life remain a mystery.

You are not Tyler Durden. Walk away from altercations. No one will be impressed with you punching another man in the teeth because he’s eyeballin’ your woman, yo.

A pair of dark, slim-fitting, true denim jeans are good for a relaxing day off, as well as a night out at a fancy restaurant or club.

You are never over-dressed when wearing a suit.

Read. A gentleman educates himself. Your iPad and iPhone can now download books for little or no cost. There’s no excuse not to be reading Kerouac’s On The Road or Catcher in the Rye by Salinger. Not heterosexual enough for you? Then go for grittier work like Charlie Huston’s Caught Stealing. This book reads with the intensity of a Bruce Willis movie jacked up on Methamphetamine. It’s dirty, mean, violent, and funny. And best of all, short.

A quick text message or a sloppy email sent on your lunch break does not constitute a Thank You Note. Want to show genuine respect and gratitude? A hand-written, analogue letter will always hold up in a digital world.

When asking a woman out on a date, a gentleman does this in person or over the phone. He does not poke her on Facebook or shoot her a text. Poor form, my friend. Be confident.

This goes for breaking up, too. You do not send an email telling her it’s been real and thanks for the memories. Do not send your brother by to pick up your things or send a text. This is to be done in person without using phrases like, “It’s not you, it’s me,” or “I no longer find you attractive and want to start dating your roommate.”

I sometimes think I’m George Clooney or Fred Astaire. Dark and mysterious, suave and sophisticated. Sweeping women off their feet with a wink and a smile, throwing my coat over puddles, and helping old ladies cross the street. In truth, I’m awkward and clumsy; I talk too fast and stumble over words. I run into doors, and I’m all left feet and elbows on the dance floor. But I’m always myself, no matter what, because I’m confident in the man that I am. As a true gentleman should be.

Getting antsy

I don't know how much longer I can go without saying it.