"It goes like this the fourth the fifth..."

Im sitting in my room drinking wine listening to this beautiful song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v22NMAG1k18

And I am smiling. Every day I have gotten stronger and stronger and I have finally let go. I have let go all of my old hopes and desires and let go of all of my old pains and fears. I have let go of people who did me no good and the best feeling of all? Letting go of my reserves. Just sitting back and feeling so comfortable and safe that I have no reserves at all. The pessimistic side of me is a bit aprehensive of this part. But somehow deep down I am learning how to let that part go. To embrace all that is good and whole and wonderful. To let things happen in their own natural time and place. And good things are coming to me because of this. People can be bitter and lonely all they want. They can resent me and spread rumors and lies. But I know that at the end of the day, there is someone out there that cares. It is a "judge-free zone" as I have been told. And you know what? I believe it. I totally and completely believe it.

It's incredible to me what happened when I finally gave up and surrendered to nature. Let life lead me where it will. Do not mistake me, I am not merely along for the ride now. But I understand there is more to life than control. Beautiful things happened when I relinquished control.

I will not fear what I believe to be ahead of me. I will open my arms and bask in it. I will allow things to happen how they will. Let the chips fall where they may. I am being myself and something magical is coming to me that I wont even try to explain. But let it be said that I fully anticipate you all seeing this happy side of me stick around for a bit. And if you want someone to thank, thank fate. Thank my exes for showing me what I don't want to be. And thank a special someone for showing me the light in an otherwise darkened time.

And while we're at it, thank yourselves. Those of you who have been with me through thick and thin truely deserve a kind of praise that I cannot offer you. These last few months have been one of the roughest patches I have seen (Becca and Brittany you espcially know what I will be referencing here.) And your support is the only reason I really got through any of it. I love you all like family.