Life over the last few days has been really throwing me some lemons. Sometimes I really begin to wonder if it's worth it. This isn't for pity or for reassurance in any way- it's just me expressing myself.
I have been making so many lateral moves that I am not working towards anything real. I have no real attainable goals, which drives me up the wall- I am very much a goal person. I am not moving forward in my life or "career..." if you can ever call it that. I have found my nightmares becoming ever-increasing, only stopping when I am sleeping next to the one I love. Plus my anxiety is through the roof. Do I have a reason to exist? Do I have anything to wake up for?
I am just trying to take things one day at a time. But I do know that if I don't give myself some sort of structure I will continue down a very self-destructive path.
Things I need to do:
Get on my yoga mat EVERY day (I have been getting better- a couple of times a week- but I really need it daily.)
Stop breaking down and having a cigarette "here and there." I need to be finished.
Continue to find a way to go back to school.
Find time to read every day.
You would think these would all be really easy to accomplish- but sadly I have found it harder and harder to bring myself to do anything when I am alone.
On a different but related topic, please pray for my dog and my dad. They both need positive thinking, and so do I.
With love, as always.
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